I have reached that point in life where it is all over. I am done. Never shall I be saved, now that I have turned thirty six and I’m ‘still’ single.
I have left it too late, way too late. I am too risky. How would I adapt to a relationship now that I have spent soooooo many years deflecting the gazes of potential wives? I am stubborn, clearly – I would be the Eeyore of husbands. I should have grown up years ago and cracked on with this. But no, I had to spend the early years of my adulthood enjoying myself. Yes, I was enjoying myself. What a truly selfish act. I mean, to spend all that time, thinking just of myself and my fun and my travel and my work… Did I ever stop to think that maybe I should have been searching for ‘The One’? Did I even think of ‘The One’ and what became of her? That poor girl, trapped in a second-best relationship, never to be truly happy…
Clearly, I am ear-marked for relationship hell.
But friends, all is not lost.
To the internet with you. Go. GO NOW. Make busy on that keyboard. Chat, charm and flitter from one would-be date to the next. Admit your wrongs online, let them know – ALL OF THEM – that you, Robert Leigh, are an immature, self-obsessed, wannabe lothario who has wasted his time, and life, doing what he felt was right when he should have been focusing on engagement, marriage, mortgage and of course, children. Speak from the heart, throw yourself upon their mercy. Let them know you are a changed man, one who is willing to learn and develop and wear chinos and embrace Sundays spent in the company of DIY projects. Run Robert, go now. Someone may yet shine their light upon you.
Does anyone believe this?
Come on, be honest…
Oh right, so, it’s not just me that thinks the above is complete bollocks? Well, that’s very reassuring. I’m actually grinning. No seriously, I am. I can’t believe that in between all the accusatory looks, and judgements regarding my maturity, I have bumped into someone else who thinks things happen when they happen – if they happen at all. That when we are all running around like amphetamine dosed Cupids, we probably miss half of the opportunities standing three feet in front of us.
Really? You’re agreeing with me?
Ok, so I’m a little suspicious. I know, we’ve only just starting talking but I’ve been castigated by my nearest and dearest for some time now, and it has made me somewhat dubious of the ‘What Will Be, Will Be’ crowd. I have questions. Yes, these are questions designed to test you. Yes, I see how this is a little personal, but if we are to continue chatting, I must clear my mind of these uncertainties.
Question 1 – What are your thoughts on, ‘The One’?
Works for some, not for others… on a planet of seven billion the idea itself seems somewhat cruel. What if your One is in Tanzania and you’re living just south of Telford?
Y’see, I knew you seemed like a rational person.
Question 2 – What is your reaction when you hear the phrase, ‘there are plenty more fish in the sea’?
You’d prefer not to be compared to a creature of the deep, but on the whole, the saying stands. Relationship break ups are hard going, but if you want another one, there are plenty of people and plenty of opportunities for another go-around.
Wow, that’s two-for-two.
And finally, question 3 – Do you buy into the Disney view of relationships, i.e. if we are all Princes and Princesses, then we will one day be swept off our feet?
You would love that to happen, but you accept that a long term relationship requires patience, compromise and large amounts of understanding. That when casting judging scores upon ‘The One’, it’s maybe less about the Disney, and more about how you get on with someone who you are going to spend a lot of time with – if you want to spend a lot of time with them.
My word, you and I, we seem to be reading from the same song sheet. Seriously, we’ve got a bit of synchronicity happening here. We just chewed the fat a little, and found we shared a few viewpoints. This is great. I am sincerely pleased to meet you.
Wait, what are you doing? Let go of my arm. No, I don’t want to go to Starbucks and continue this conversation over a vanilla latte… There is a lovely little Italian place just up the road though – good espresso, gorgeous cakes. Maybe we could head up there and…
Twitter – @RLeigh78
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Guest posts are the opinion of that author and do not necessarily reflect the opinion of Gilda Evans or others posted here.