Trust. Honesty. Faithful. These are some of the words that come to mind when we think about relationships. While all worthy, there is one word that I like to add to the list, and that’s “Surrender.” I can feel all the eyebrows going up even as I write this. But, I believe that surrendering is one of the most important pieces of a successful relationship. So, what do I mean by Surrender? To me it means not being so attached to outcomes. Yes, this is harder than probably the first three words listed above because we all want to feel in control of our lives, and that extends to the relationships we have. But, when we can surrender to outcomes, this can be the best approach and result in the happiest of relationships.
Let me take a second to dig into my memory bank and withdraw a good example. Okay, I’ve got a priceless one. When I was still living in Virginia, I began dating someone whom I wasn’t all that interested in dating, so I used our relationship as a test for different things I wanted to learn (we all have karmic relationships, this one was just a bit more intentional). One of the practices I wanted to become better at was communication. I wanted to be able to express myself without feeling like I might lose the relationship. For better or for worse, I put communication to the test for the two years we were together (isn’t it funny how what we don’t want can stick around so long?). What I learned was how to communicate with him, and it honestly brought out a side of me that I didn’t know I had and that I didn’t really want to bring to another relationship.
The ability to Surrender was the second relationship skill I wanted to test drive. This meant being able to let go of outcomes in as many moments as possible. How did I do this? Easier said than done, but this is what I did. Each time I went to text or call him, I asked myself, “Am I doing this from a fear based motive or because I’m feeling good and just want to touch base?” If the answer was fear based mind chatter (I haven’t heard from him all day!), I put the phone down and surrendered to the outcome. I remember the first time I did this. I was at Panera Bread working on a manuscript and having an early dinner. I wanted to text him, but, I held off, put my phone down, and kept working. Sure enough barely fifteen minutes later, he called me. He had just finished a round of golf and wanted to know if I had plans that night. In that moment, I realized the power of surrendering, letting go, and most of all not acting from a fear based motive.
Surrendering is a skill that takes a lot of practice. But with conscious thought and deliberate attempts, when we can really do this, it frees us up from control and allows the Universe to jump in and deliver, quite possibly, something even better than we could have imagined or manipulated ourselves. I challenge you to try Surrendering for one week. Let go of control. Of having to know outcomes. Let yourself indulge in living your life and see what comes to you when you least expect it.
I love hearing from others about their success with the Surrender approach, so do let me know if magic happens as a result.
Thank you, Gilda, for having me as a guest!
Heather Hummel is a “PhotoNovelist” who blends her love for photography with her award-winning career as an author. Her published works include:
Journals from the Heart Series:
Whispers from the Heart (2011)
Write from the Heart (2011)
GO BIKE & Other Signs from the Universe (2011)
Gracefully: Looking and Being Your Best at Any Age (McGraw-Hill, 2008),
Messages of Hope and Healing ( Sunpiper Media, 2006)
Blue Ridge Anthology (Cedar Creek, 2007) with David Baldacci and Rita Mae Brown
2009 Mature Media Awards, Merit Award
2009 New York Book Festival, Honorable Mention
Heather’s books have appeared in newspapers such as: Publishers Weekly, USA Today and the Washington Post; and in magazines that include: Health, Body & Soul, First, and Spry Living, a combined circulation of nearly 15 million. A graduate with High Distinction from the University of Virginia, Heather holds a Bachelor of Interdisciplinary Studies degree with concentrations in English and Secondary Education. She is currently earning a Ph.D. in Metaphysical Sciences.