Many of us have been there. You’ve found the mate you’ve been looking for, waiting for, longing for. They are your perfect match and no one can spoil your fun! And then…the “ex” enters the picture. It may be an old lover, an ex-spouse or even just someone who has the hots for the one who is now yours. Any way you slice it, the ex will more often than not be, or at least attempt to be, a pain in the butt. The harassment can take many forms – I will cite a few of them just for illustration. First, there’s the “fatal attraction” scenario. This other person is convinced that your mate belongs to them, not to you. It’s just that you have temporarily hypnotized the object of their affection into a delusional state that this other person is going to snap them out of, whatever it takes. The emails, late night phone calls, text messages from “fatal” just keep coming. It’s very annoying, to say the least! Then there’s the “material girl/guy” issue. This usually comes from an ex-spouse. No matter what your new love gives their ex in terms of money or effort it’s never enough. The demands keep coming way past the point of reason, and the ex simply feels that they are entitled to it all because of all the wrongs that were thrust upon them during their relationship with your mate (hint – takes two…they were no angel either!). Lastly, I offer for your consideration the “misery loves company” debacle. This can sometimes be the most insidious of all. The ex is miserable and determined that everyone else will suffer as well. How dare your mate have found happiness with you! This person will do all they can to sabotage your relationship with your mate – even if it means using any children that might be in the picture as pawns in their manipulations and tactics. They will often try to turn the child against the new person in the picture, and try to make your mate look like a bad person for wanting to move on and be happy again. The bottom line is that none of these things is good. What to do? Communication is key. You and your mate must talk about these things as they occur and remedy them immediately – don’t allow anything to fester. Put each other first and present a united front against any of these offenses. Support each other as fully as possible and never play into the shenanigans the ex is trying to rain down upon you. If children are involved, try and let them know what is happening (in an age appropriate manner) and deal with them honestly – kids have built-in b.s. meters that work remarkably well. Chances are, if you are the honest and straightforward one the ex’s crap will end up backfiring on them big-time. Hopefully, one day this ex will see the folly of their ways and come around. In the meantime, keep them in their place, in the past, and in the proper perspective.
Now it’s your turn – any stories you’d like to share?