You’ve found your mate and he’s AWESOME!!! Just when you were convinced that the gods of romance and happily-ever-afters had put you on their naughty list, the love of your life enters the scene. You are in seventh heaven and your feet haven’t touched the ground since the two of you met…and then, enter the Ex. The encounter had to happen eventually. The more you become engrained in each other’s lives, the more you learn about him and his past and the more people from his past and present you begin to meet. The two of you eye each other and you sense that if his Ex were actually one of the X-men (or women) the death rays coming out of her eyes would definitely have done you in! If you’re lucky, she already has someone else in her life so that she isn’t so concerned about her old love (and your new one) having someone else (and someone BETTER) in his! If you’re not so lucky, then watch out – her insecurities, jealousy and every other negative quality that served to help end their old relationship will come to the forefront…so let the games begin! If she is the manipulative sort, she will likely try to sabotage your relationship in whatever ways she can. She’ll try to wangle her way back into his life somehow (even though she considered him dogshit at one point, suddenly now she “needs” him). She’ll try false compliments, tears, even playing the “maiden in distress” hoping he will come to her rescue. If that doesn’t work, she will resort to a different approach – usually serving up a heaping portion of false guilt with a topping of bitch. If there are kids in the picture, be careful – she may even try to use them as pawns in her ploys. Not nice, but a lot of people will do anything to serve their purposes. If the kids are old enough, you and your mate may want to try to talk to them first and prepare them for the possible onslaught. If THAT doesn’t work for her, well…get ready for the threats of self-injury or something equally as drastic. My advice is to respond by asking her where she keeps the life insurance policies – just in case! Lol!! In other words, don’t play into her games. You are your mate need to present a united front and support each other wholeheartedly with ample and totally open, honest communication. You are his family and priority now and he is yours – and others have to adjust to that dynamic. Be strong, be firm but do also try to be level headed about the whole thing. Don’t stoop to the kind of games that may be played against you. Work together and it will work out – and eventually, time will take care of the dynamics surrounding the new direction your combined lives take.
One final note – in an ideal world, to use a famous quote, one would say ,”can’t we all just get along?” And sometimes that does happen from the get go. But that is, unfortunately, rather rare. More often than not, we end up dealing with an ex-rated situation – just remember that you are mature enough to deal with it!